I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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