i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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