My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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