you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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