I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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