woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Terrible idea I love it
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
