I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
