So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
