At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
