mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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