hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
