Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
