You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
