apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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