my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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