You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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