Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
