So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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