Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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