census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
