my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
