ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
