but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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