Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
