i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Boobs are out for the taking
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
