did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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