I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I'm really busy with my period
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