Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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