About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
