Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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