$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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