i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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