I can tuck mytits in my pants
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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