I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
