I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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