so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
