If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
