'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
