God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
