i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
