so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
