I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
