just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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