SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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