Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
