I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
