So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
