so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
