he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
