I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
