I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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