i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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