made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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