I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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