All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
