kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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