We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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